Chewing On A Frustration…


Over the Labor Day weekend I have chewed on a frustration that I can’t seem to identify all the ingredients of. But until I do I won’t be able to swallow.

I know the main ingredient has a history that dates back to childhood. Like a sturdy root vegetable it is something around, “ I’m not good enough.” We all have a root vegetable of our own with this same basic starchy consistency. Due to our individual life experiences, it might appear as a turnip, a rutabaga, or a parsnip.

Mine, I envision as a carmine colored beet. When I slice it, the reddish-purple dye stains my hands like a permanent tattoo. As if to say, “I’ll always be a part of you. I can’t be removed.”

I cooked my latest beet based frustration during a meeting I attended on Saturday night. Actually, I realize now that I prepared the frustration on Thursday but it was a simmer for a while recipe and Saturday the final ingredients went in. Since then, I have been chewing and chewing.

The meeting is a group that I have started of people, who want to focus on the Law of Attraction, which is the basic precept of manifesting your desires and dreams. We use the Abraham-Hicks material, specifically, the book “Ask and It Is Given” by Esther and Jerry Hicks. We call ourselves, The 68 Second Club. The name comes from one of the Abraham-Hicks processes in the book.

It states, “ a thought reaches a combustion point at 17 seconds of pure undiluted focus. It draws another thought to it and it is exponentially more powerful. At the end of another 17 seconds, 34 seconds total, the next thought combusts and by the Law of Attraction evolves to a higher level of energy. Again, another 17 seconds to 51 seconds continues the process and finally, if you can continue a pure thought for 68 seconds on any given subject, it will be on its way to manifestation.”

The main activity of the meeting is to do a 68 Second, (actually we do 2 minutes each), group manifestation on an individual member’s desire/dream that they would like to create in their life.

Joy erupts as we contribute our ideas of growing their desire. Lots of laughter is involved, even a hint of silliness but always, the intention of support of that person’s dream.

I went to the meeting that night carrying my big pot of beet frustration stew. It was the first time I was seeing most of the members of the group, since launching this blog on Wednesday. Except for one member, no one thus far had commented on reading my blog.

At the beginning of the evening, one person said, “I read your blog. Have you posted anymore?” But that was it. No one else mentioned my blog. I asked one dear friend if she had read it and she simply stated, “I didn’t have time.”

I added the seasoning of anger to my pot of Frustration. The ruddy red color of my stew darkened with the addition. The pot sat heavily and hotly on my lap during the meeting.

When it came time for me to have the group “68 Second” on my dream, I was mute. I had wanted the focus to be, this blog as a way to grow my writing career. But how could people in the group help co-create my dream, when no one even knew anything about my blog? I stirred in some herb of sadness.

Over the course of Sunday, I mixed in a dash of the spice of discouragement with a bit of the condiment, loneliness. The pot simmered and boiled, all day long. I tasted it from time to time, each spoonful with an undertone of bitterness and requiring massive chewing until my jaw ached.

Monday, when I went for my walk, I was able to leave the pot at home. There had been a glimmer of relief the night before when I had been reading a favorite passage, I review each day, in “ Ask and It Is Given”. This time the words, “No one is criticizing or looking for unwanted things,” removed the smell of stew from my nostrils.

How could I manifest anything, when my thoughts of sadness, anger, discouragement and loneliness were causing me to look for unwanted things? I was only seeing my sense of not receiving encouragement and validation that I am worth worthy.

It was in that moment I identified the additional ingredients, with my root vegetable, “I’m Not Good Enough”, in my stew of frustration. It is the leaves of “Affirmation”, the nuts of “Acknowledgment” and the tempeh of “Support”.

These are genuine needs I have, that will be little pearl onions along with my big carmine beet of “I’m Not Good Enough.” I can ask others for affirmation, acknowledgement, and support but most importantly, I can start to meet those needs by not looking for unwanted things. I can see if I am affirming, acknowledging and supporting myself inside, before going to the outside.

And when a frustration comes up, that I need to chew on a bit, after I meet my own needs, I might still wish my friends would affirm, acknowledge and support but I don’t need to chew on it like cow cud. I’ll be able to swallow it faster. And maybe, next time, I will make a great little beet salad, that is light and tongue tingling and oh so yummy.